1 year ago
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Conveniently, the offal left this photo out of their slide show. WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO HIDE?! | Photo by Alex Livesey/Getty Images
They say pictures are worth a thousand words. How about like 50 words per picture, then?
We are nearing the end of summer which means we are tantalizingly close the the start of the Premier League season. Which means matches that count and an opportunity to really dig into the discourse that fills the weeks between them.
But as we’re not there yet and the news is a bit thin (what I wouldn’t give for a juicy bit of transfer news right about now), I’ve decided to roll out another in my series of “I [did X] so you didn’t have to.” This time I’ve decided to go through the official site’s choice of photos from Liverpool FC’s final pre-season match against SV Darmstadt 98.
Photo 1: It’s a dude mugging Mo as he takes a shot in the box. And just like the swallows returning to Capistrano, we have our surest sign yet that football is back, baby!
Photo 2: Ah...based on the arrangement of this photo, the first photo was also Mo firing us ahead! This celebration only makes sense in that context unless the lads are also really happy that football is back. We’re with ya fellas!
Photo 3: Diogo Jota looks to be firing a shot past two SVD defenders that are nowhere near him. Jota would count his lucky stars if he found that kind of space inside of the box in a PL match.
Photo 4: Welp, looks like Diogo made that one count!
Photo 5: Luis Diaz fires in on goal. We’ll have to wait until the next photo to guess if that one went in...
Photo 6: It did not. Instead, it’s a smash cut to Cody Gakpo imperiously carrying the ball upfield.
Photo 7: I actually can’t figure out what’s happening here: did Trent try (and maybe succeed) in nutmegging the defender? Did the opposing player try to get past Trent only to have the ball forced back into his own feet? Is there some sort of sorcery happening here w/ the ball? Who’s to say?!
Photo 8: Maybe this photo of Alexis Mac Allister was snapped right as the previous play happened because he’s shrugging his shoulders and looking perplexed. You and me both, buddy!
Photo 9: Ah, Virgil Van Dijk passing the ball and looking elegant while doing it. Another Swallows to Capistrano moment.
Photo 10: It’s probably unlikely but I’m going to pretend that VVD was passing the ball to Andrew Robertson and this photo is of the left-back receiving it.
Photo 11: TRENT WEARING THE CAPTAIN’S BAND OMGGGGGG IT IS VERY LATE ON THE WEST COAST AS I TYPE THIS BUT I HAVE EXPLODED INTO HEART EYES EMOJIS AND A FLURRY OF ENERGY LFGGGGGGG!!!!!
Photo 12: Why does Diaz look like he’s playing dodgeball on what seems to be a corner kick?
Photo 13: Ah...it’s because he scored with a lovely flick! Celebrations all around!
Photo 14: Lucho giving us the heart symbol.
And with that, we are so much closer to the beginning of the season and fewer of these. Thanks for riding with me this summer. Let’s bring on the opening match!
