This Is Me Breathing

Photo by Carl Recine/Getty Images

I reflect on the past few weeks. And breathe.

Five games in fifteen days.

Eleven points.

Thirteen clear.

Top of the league.

No football for a week.

Breathe.

Is the break welcome? Needed? Do I need the distraction?

I look around. The world, outside of football, is dark. Tragic. Foreboding. Ominous.

Breathe.

Three weeks ago I lost a friend. The pain, emotional and physical, was too much for him to continue to bear. He wished one of our mutual friends a good weekend at the supermarket, went home, wrote some letters, and overdosed on pain meds.

Breathe, because Søren no longer can.

We are no inundated with a firehose of bad news. People are dying, with doubtless millions of unnecessary deaths yet to come. Families separated. Needless cruelty for cruelty's sake, because the whole point is cruelty (along with grabbing any leftover scraps of wealth and power that haven’t already been taken).

I feel the anxiety rising again.

Breathe in.

Hold.

Breathe out.

Hold.

Repeat.

This isn’t working.

I think about Liverpool Football Club. I think about the 97 who can no longer breathe. I think about the decades’ long fight for justice. I think about the cheesy “this means more” slogan, and how despite its cheesiness, remains true.

I think about how the city and club have time and again turned heartbreak and despair into righteous anger and action against the powers that be. I think about how in the darkest moments, unlikely heroes emerged and took up the fight. And it gives me hope.

Walk on, with hope in your heart.

Breathe.

I think about a line from another song, this time from The Clash: “Let fury have the hour, anger can be power, did you know that you can use it?”

It’s not a question, rhetorical or otherwise, it’s a command.

The powers that be want us to remain in despair. Sadness is important. We need to grieve. I am still grieving. But we cannot stay there. I cannot stay here. Because you simply cannot fight back when you are overwhelmed by grief.

And we need to fight back.

Breathe.

Rest while you can.

Tell those you love that you love them.

Tell them how important they are while you can.

Live for today and fight for tomorrow.

Breathe.

Reset.

Go again.